Forgotten Moon

I mean it this time! November 14, 2013

So, in a few previous posts I have said that Math Ed has gotten under my skin and I’ve honestly been burnt out on the subject as a whole. Though I still love Math, I feel like the sour taste it’s left in my mouth has made me reconsider my degree choice and where it will take me.

When I was thinking about career options in high school or even middle school, I thought about a bunch of things including becoming a Vet, a Massage Therapist, an Astronomer or a Teacher. My parents shot down every single one except the Teacher option. I said, “Daddy, I wanna be a Vet one day!” and he would respond with the retort “Well, when Purrl (our cat) throws up, that’s basically what would have to deal the rest of your life. You sure you want to do that?” When I got older, my thoughts also turned on the schooling that I would have to endure to become a vet. Med school to deal with sick animals on a daily basis? I don’t think so.

“Daddy, I want to become a Massage Therapist, think that would work?” “You want to touch sweat, hairy, old people all day?” There goes that choice…

“Daddy, I think being an Astronomer would be really awesome! And we both know it’s something I enjoy. What do you say?” “Unfortunately, there aren’t many jobs out there that you could get in that field. Even though I totally agree that you would enjoy it and would be good at it.” Well crap, what else is there?

“Kelsey,” says my father, “I think you would be a great teacher one day, why don’t you think about doing that?”

“Ok Dad, what do you suggest I teach?”

“You’ve always liked Math, why not that? I’ll pay for your schooling and everything.”

“Ok Dad, you got me. It’s almost guaranteed job security and I do enjoy working with and helping people in general. Alright that sounds good, I’ll do it.”

Three years go by, “Ok! I got to Calculus, let’s see how I do.” I fail Calc I. I have to repeat it and acquire a C.

“Now it’s on to Calc II. I hope it’s not as hard as everyone keeps telling me it is.” And of course, it’s intense. I fail it twice and now on a third attempt.

“What the HELL am I doing wrong!?” Every math class I take after that, including Discrete Math and Number Theory are incredibly difficult, and according to my friend Doug it only gets worse from there.

This can’t be right. I shouldn’t be struggling so hard with something I want to do for the rest of my life. That doesn’t sound or feel right at all!

But what is? After much soul searching and inner compromising, I finally came up with a conclusion.

ASTRONOMY! What my choice should have been this whole time! I honestly do NOT care if I have few options for jobs and I have to be very good at what I do to get one. I don’t care. I feel like I have a passion for something, I’m going to be good at it anyway. I know this is NOT always the case, but sucking at Math is not an option for a Math major. Math becomes incredibly philosophical and it really doesn’t seem like Math at all when someone gets up to the higher levels.

I get it. Majoring in Astronomy will require me to be good at Physics (which at the moment I feel like I suck at it) and that lots of Math is required for this subject as well. I know, I know, I have thought of this and I think if I have something to put the Math to, I can be more interested in it.

I’ll mostly likely have to leave Colorado and go to a different school in a different state. It’ll be expensive since I’ll be an out of state student and I’ll have to move there for no less than a year to become a resident. I’ll take on student loans, get a transfer from work (hopefully, and if not I’ll just look for a different job there) and get an apartment by myself if my boyfriend doesn’t want to come with me.

As for job availability? I’m not sure, and I don’t honestly care at the moment. I just want to have a Bachelor’s degree! I’m out of ideas and this seems to be the most palpable. That’s further into the future than I would really like, but for right now I have to focus on the more immediate and that’s getting into a good school.

First, I need to apply. I have totally given up on UCCS and the CU system in general. Apparently, CU Boulder has an Astronomy/Physics degree but the way UCCS has treated me I wouldn’t poke it with a 10 meter stick. Going out of state seems to be my only option. It won’t be easy but I’m going to do my best. If my father does not approve, I’ll take on some debt and he and I will both get over it. I feel terrible for wasting several thousand dollars on this failed attempt at a degree as well as the wasted years of my life trying to impress a system I could care less about. Going somewhere else, no matter how expensive it might be, will be good for me, and I’ll be doing something I enjoy.

I’ve posted this mainly to get this off my chest and get some feedback, though not much will change my mind at this point.

So there. Here it is, out in the open and there’s nothing I can do about it. I hope this will help me get on my way.

FM