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HSP Blog Entry 3 June 9, 2016

Posted by forgottenmoon in HSP Blog.
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Was driving home from work today listening to a classical music station. I get very annoyed with commercials on the radio so I usually have it set to classical which plays pretty much nonstop music. A song came on that was a mixture of American clarinet and Chinese string instruments. At the very end, I had this intense urge to cry listening to this beautiful music. I tried my hardest not to cry because I was driving but some tears escaped. This happens quite often and it can be embarrassing when I feel like I must cry when good music is playing. It’s just one more thing solidifying my HSP status in my mind. 

KR

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HSP Entry Two May 15, 2016

Posted by forgottenmoon in About my life.
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Breaking up with someone is difficult. For an HSP like me it’s nearly impossible. I hate confrontation, and ending a relationship is nothing but. Not only was my brain fighting me, but so was my body. My stomach wasn’t right for the entire week before I did the deed. My mind went in all different directions, thinking of all the possible outcomes of this, and none of them were pleasant. “I have to do this, I have to do this,” is what I kept telling myself. When the day came, it was easier than I had imagined, but still extremely stressful. I think I handled it as well as I could have, but it left him speechless and confused. That was the hardest thing out of all of this. Things came up and now he’s upset with me and it’s too personal to get into on here. Now if I want to keep up a friendship with him I have to make the effort. That seems extremely one-sided and not what a friendship is supposed to be. Whatever.

The way this relationship ended has made my fear of confrontation spill over into everything else. I never wanted to tell him what I was doing because I feared his reaction, so I put it off until the last possible second and then it would make it worse. He sometimes wouldn’t mind when I told him in advance, but most times he would still get upset. Now I have a hard time asking for time off of work because of this. Now, I worry about cancelling something with my friends, expecting them to be furious. I also worry about my spontaneity when I want to just up and do things with friends without planning them. Hopefully this will fade and I’ll figure out my balance again, but my life right now is in an almost constant state of mild to moderate anxiety and depression. Here’s hoping it will pass and I can move on with my life.

KR

Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) Blog, Entry One January 13, 2016

Posted by forgottenmoon in About my life, About the world around me.
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Wednesday, January 13, 2016

I broke one of the two large bowls Steve owns. His immediate response is annoyance, stating that he only has those two, and now just the one. He then brushes it off like it’s nothing, but stops talking (because he is busy working on something). I feel upset and disappointed in myself, and I feel like he’s mad at me but he isn’t. I felt the urge to cry, but it wasn’t strong enough to let any tears flow. The fact that he acts like nothing happened is completely foreign to me. The bowls he has, he’s had them forever and I feel like I’ve broken something sentimental to him, though that is not the case at all. Steve is not an HSP. The good news is he isn’t upset, and the feeling in the room doesn’t feel heavy like it would be if he was angry with me. I will avoid dropping anything for a while, but that isn’t going to be easy since I was born a clutz.

Demon Angel September 12, 2015

Posted by forgottenmoon in Inspired by a Song.
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So this little short story comes from a song I heard that I thought said “angel with demon wings.” That’s not what it said and I’m still not sure the true lyrics, but it doesn’t matter.

One night, I woke to a bright light. “What the hell?” I asked myself. Then I saw a figure appear. “Hello Saria,” said the voice in the light. I squinted and shielded my eyes with my hand to try and understand the scene in front of me. “Oh sorry,” he said, and the light dissipated. I beheld a man in white robes and golden hair standing there, smiling at me. “I am Mathias, and I am your guardian angel.” After my eyes adjusted further I notice something off about this so-called angel. “Um, I’m not overly religious or anything, but aren’t you supposed to have feathers on your wings?” His smile fell off of his face, his leathery wings folded behind him, almost as if he was ashamed of them. “Just because I wasn’t born with wings that don’t fit the stereo-typical ‘angel’ vision, doesn’t make me any less of one.” I stared at him for a moment, rubbed my eyes and yawned. “What the hell do you want?” I said, annoyed. “You really should talk more politely to your guardian angel,” Mathias said. “You never know what might happen.”

“Yeah, well I never said I needed a guardian angel anyway,” I said as I flopped back down onto my pillow. “I didn’t particularly want to take this job anyway, but I didn’t have much choice in the matter,” he muttered. I peaked up at his face to glimpse a bit of shame and disdain showing on his face. “Oh what,” I asked, “did someone screw you over? Was guarding me a shit job no one wanted to do?” …Silence… “Great, I get the outcast. Fitting.” I had never really been the most popular person in high school, and the real world hadn’t been much better for me so far either. He looked at me, sheepishly. “Look at the bright side, some people don’t even get guardian angels.” “I bet other people’s guardian angels don’t wake them up at 3:00 AM after a long shift at work.” I said, annoyance creeping back into my tone. “Oh right,  there really isn’t time where I’m from,” Mathias commented, scratching his head through his gleaming golden hair. “I’ll come back when you’re awake and civil.” He raised his dragon-like wings and flapped them a few times and vanished.

After questioning my sanity for a minute, I fell right back to sleep. I woke up to the natural sunlight, feeling well rested. I slowly shuffled out of bed, thankful it was Saturday. Ah the weekend, the merciful days I get to spend my time as I please. With a cup of green tea in my hand, I looked out the window staring at the few cars going by until the blonde-haired reminder of last night popped his face into my line of sight, a chipper smile on his face as he exclaimed, “Good morning, Saria!” I jolted, “Ah!” I screamed as I nearly fell backwards out of my chair. “What the hell, you’re back! You’re real! What the hell, I thought you were part of one of those crazy dreams I always have!” 

Mathias’ smile got bigger somehow as he said, “Nope, I exist and you aren’t dreaming,” he said. I looked at him with my mouth open. “Sorry about last night,” I stated, “I’m not usually like that. My attitude isn’t always the best when people wake me up abruptly.” He stood there in my kitchen in blue jeans and a white t-shirt, looking like he belonged there, though still oddly out of place with those wings. “Don’t apologize for my intrusion,” he smiled again, “I can only imagine what it would be like to be woken up like that.” “What happened to the robe from last night?” I asked, looking him over thoroughly. “Oh,” he glanced down at himself and looked back up at me quickly, “We’re instructed to greet everyone formally so as to conform to a sort of standard. Just protocol. So, what’s the plan for the day?”

Not sure where else to go from there without infringing on copyrights.

Dream Journal May 8, 2015

Posted by forgottenmoon in About my life, Inspired by a dream.
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You have now came across a journal completely compiled of my crazy weird dreams.  If you continue reading, I do wish to warn you that my dreams are, as I said, completely crazy. I’m not sure why, but they are. They make my friends, family and loved ones lift an eyebrow every time I tell them what went on under my eyelids the previous night. I want to share them with everyone, since I’m sick of complaining about things I can’t change or do anything about. I was writing them down because several people in my life have told me I should keep track of them, but I wasn’t sure if I should post them for the world to seem, but that’s what I want to do right now. Here goes nothing, really.

April 16,

My whole family is celebrating something, my birthday most likely, lots of people I know are gathered in my parents’ house eating food and chatting. I remember wanting to sit next to someone I hadn’t seen since middle school who I had a crush on. I kept getting pulled in different directions to talk to people but all I wanted to do was sit next to him. As soon as dinner was served, I was designated to sit next to, you guessed it, my crush. I was so happy to finally get to sit and chat with him.

Disclosure: This guy in reality is engaged. He started talking to me out of the blue one day and I was happy to hear from him again.

April 17,

Not much from this day, just a glimpse of a man who looked like Sean Connery with his shirt off. Not sure why.

April 19,

A dark parking lot, some other people and I are responsible for moving cars (owned by other people) into parking spaces that were under a street lamp to get them out of the darkness. It was imperative that we do this, there was something in the dark that would destroy them unless the light touched them.

The second part of this dream, I found myself in an office with Amy Pond working behind the front desk. She is able to turn the gravity off around herself and she floats gently upwards from the chair, almost as if she was submerged suddenly in water.

The last part was in the dark again, a misty grassy backyard. I was looking desperately for something but I could not find it for the life of me.

April 21,

A messy house where I found my brother sleeping in a pile of electronics and guitars. The house was in the middle of a desert. All the rooms were messy. I look around for my parents or anyone who might actually gives shit about the mess, but I couldn’t find anyone. My brother wakes up and smiles at me saying something along the lines of “look what I made!”

April 24,

A blizzard outside my parents’ house at night. My brother and I are younger than what we are now, and we are supposed to be going on a trip that starts on a train. The train is stopped right outside but we can’t get on because my mom is taking forever to get us ready for this trip, even though all she was doing was talking to us and not actually doing anything. I hear myself say that it’s taken 4 hours for us to get ready. As soon as we run out of the door, backpacks swishing from side to side on our backs,  I see the train rocketing up the street.  We shout for the conductor to stop the train, but it doesn’t seem like he will until I see the train stop in our neighbor’s driveway. I woke up before we could actually get on the train. 

The same night, I dreamt I was in a very spacious hotel, people coming to repay me for all the wrongs they had done to me. Lots of people in masquerade masks laughing and drinking, having a good time. I remember I rode the escalator but while standing on the rails going up. Someone told me that I was shaming myself and ripping this people off for having them repay me. I told one of my accomplices to get receipts from the patrons who wanted to pay me back as if I WAS doing something wrong. This whole dream felt like I was the Great Gatsby or Peter Pan.

April 28,

I’m video chatting my friend Monte on my phone. This dream is set in the future because I watch as a nurse touches up his bionic left arm. His voice is very close and warm in my head. I see him smile at me as they work on him. All of a sudden, I hear the voice of my ex in my head as if he just joined the conversation and I feel instantly less happy and very depressed. I woke up feeling that way.

May 8,

I’m showing off my skinny belly. I’m so skinny it feels like my belly button is touching my spin. I lifted up my shirt and feeling absolutely pissed that the little belly pouch I have would not go away no matter how hard I tried. My skin was wrinkled around my waist as if I had lost more than just 10-20 pounds.

May 12,

A busy marketplace in Boulder. My brother, my best friend who is also my ex and my current boyfriend and I are looking around for something. My brother and my ex are drunk and hitting on every girl in sight and they are receiving them, only to play their mind games with them. My boyfriend is trying to look around while I want to leave. He tells me, “You get to go here every year and look around…” and I interrupt him saying “I’ve never been here!” and I wake up.

More to come.

fm

The Illusion of Perfection February 8, 2015

Posted by forgottenmoon in About my life, Ranting.
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What is it with people and perfection? I was raised in an environment where perfection was an absolute necessity, especially in schoolwork. Unfortunately, this scholastic perfection faded from me when I was diagnosed with ADD at the age of eight. After that, my grades slipped and I was the problem child of the family. Failure was my constant companion and seeing everyone else around me succeed was quite disheartening. One would think that feeling this way would motivate me, but it did not. Pills would help only little and the side effects would be more prominent than what they were really meant to do. I went through therapy, which I found to be a total joke. Some of the “therapy” was humiliating, embarrassing and downright scary at times. Homeopathic therapy was even more of a joke! Nothing ever worked for me; I still struggle with the fear of failure.

As an adult, one would think that I would be able to get over a phobia of failure, and my current boyfriend is absolutely flabbergasted that I get so upset over “spilled milk.” I would expect someone to get upset when I spill water on his important documents or encroach on business matters, but he doesn’t. It’s quite a new concept for me and I’m still not used to it. He told me it was quite sad that someone had ever made me feel crying because I did something wrong, made a mistake or because I failed.

Watching Meet the Robinsons was a different experience for me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to hear from anyone:

IMG_0002

IMG_0003

But it’s never happened. I believe failure is something that everyone needs to come to terms with. I remember in 4th grade seeing the class “genius” Gina get an F on an assignment and she brushed it off like it was no big deal. It confused the living hell out of me at that age. Being a straight A student, I would have expected her to break down into tears or something of that nature, but hearing her say, “Oh well, I guess I should have studied more,” was the last thing I expected to hear come out of her mouth.

Failure happens all the time, and I’m really not sure why I have such a hard time accepting such a cold, fact like that. I feel like I should be perfect in every way, but there’s no physical way that I could be. I’m human, I can’t do everything right all the time and I really need support from the people around me to help me realize this. I know I’m not the only person who feels these fears, so I don’t feel alone. My sensitivity to it is heightened right now for whatever reason and I wish more than two decades of feeling worthless and useless would just disappear.

I’m Giving Thanks November 18, 2014

Posted by forgottenmoon in About my life, About the world around me.
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Seems like I only rant and complain in my blog posts, so I want to get on a happier subject so I don’t lose my readers in the chaos. Since it’s almost Thanksgiving time, I thought (I know, very cliché) I would tell the world who and what I’m thankful to have.

I want to talk about all the good things in my life at the moment, and I want to start with my parents. I know they won’t be reading this, but that ok they don’t need to. They have been especially helpful and kind to me. They’ve been supportive of me (though it’s hard to see it sometimes) and they have always wanted me to succeed. We may not always see eye-to-eye on a lot of things including schooling, any type of body modification, life styles or religions but I know that they have my absolute best in mind, and that’s more than I could ever ask of them. I mean, they could have kicked me out ages ago and they probably should have. But they didn’t, and that’s why I’m extremely grateful to them. I hope to make them proud of me, even though I know I may not always be doing exactly what they want me to do.

Speaking of family, I’m thankful for my only brother, my twin. He’s always been on my side, even if he didn’t show it very often as a kid. I’m definitely not as successful as he is, but he has a college degree and that helps him a lot. He keeps in touch even when he’s extremely busy at work and that makes me feel happy to know that he’s thinking about me. I hope he knows that I love him. If it weren’t for him, I would be a completely different person. We may have different views on things, but he’s changed my life in so many good ways and I am so happy that we’re still friends as adults. Our parents actually were incredibly surprised that we’ve stayed friends; not that we wouldn’t be for whatever reason, they just weren’t expecting us to be so close and I fully appreciate it. He’s been my best friend for a long time and I couldn’t imagine life without him. Thanks bro, you’re the best and I love you!

I’m thankful for my friends too, can’t forget about them. I can’t tell you how many times my friends have come through for me in the past. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have the circle of friends that I have. I’m pretty sure one or two of them would put their lives at risk to help me out and I don’t know how to take that. All I know is I’m very thankful to have their support and kindness. The people in my life are the force that keeps me going when I’m feeling down and depressed and that, to me, is valuable and priceless. I know I can be flaky and hard to hang out with, especially when the weather is less than nice but I want everyone who knows me, who have stuck by my side through thick and thin, to know that I care about you, and nothing will ever change that. I hope I will be able to show my appreciation in a better way than just writing about it, but this is how it’s going to have to be for right now. I would LOVE to give everyone a personal message on here, but that would take me ages to write. You know who you are and just know that I love you all.

Now to talk about the things I have that I couldn’t live without. I’m so extremely thankful that I have my own working car. Without it, I would never be able to go to places I need/want to go and that’s priceless. Even though the car was basically a gift from my parents, it runs like a charm (most of the time) and it has gotten me places for the past several years. It’s an amazing little car! It gets upwards of 40 MPG and it’s 20 years old. I couldn’t ask for a better little car. It’s quirky and it suites me just fine. I’m also thankful for the computer that my dad got me last year for Christmas. It’s gotten me through lots of stuff, including getting my Insurance Producer License.

I’m thankful for my good health that I’ve had for a long time. I’ve had some issues here and there but nothing (hopefully) life threatening. I’m glad to have some good genes that keep me healthy at least for now. I don’t have great health coverage, and free healthcare can only do so much but I’m just thankful I don’t have to go to doctors all that often.

I’m also thankful to all of my readers, silent or otherwise. They keep me going, even when I don’t write anything for months at a time. They’re always there wanting to know how I’m doing and how can I thank you enough?

To me, thanksgiving is not just about food and watching football, and it’s not about religion either. I’m happy to have the things I do, no matter what happens. The future is uncertain at the moment, but with all that I have, anything is possible and those kinds of thoughts keep me going one step at a time. Thank you, so much everyone.

~FM

Life’s short September 17, 2014

Posted by forgottenmoon in Uncategorized.
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I have no idea why I’m having such a hard time with my life’s path right now. I feel like I’ve given up on school, religion, and myself. I can’t figure out what I want to do with my life and it’s really frustrating. One would think that being in my mid 20’s I would know exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life. But it’s certainly not the case.

When I was five, I wanted to be a Vet. At eight, I wanted to be a teacher but I wasn’t sure what subject I would teach. When I was thirteen I decided on Math, but I didn’t know what it would entail. Six years of college and no degree certainly says one thing about me: I HATE traditional schooling. Add makes sitting in a classroom for six hours or so extremely difficult to stomach. Homework is definitely not something I have ever been into either. When I see these students who sit in class not taking notes and practically sleeping in class get A’s and when I’m over here struggling my ass off and what do I have to show for it? C’s, D’s, and F’s. Something doesn’t seems right to me.

But now, I feel like Stitch, from Lilo and Stitch.

I don’t know what to do with my life and it’s driving me nuts! I’ve been shot down so many times by people whose opinions that matter to me, but the only path that seems to work for them doesn’t work for me. Now I’m stuck on an endless circular roller coaster and it’s making me sick.

I either need to find a school where I can get a hands-on lesson in something that I enjoy, or I need to just break down and get an easy degree that I know won’t get me much but at least I’ll have it. But that’s just it. I have no idea what I would be good at because the one thing that I enjoy as a hobby wouldn’t make a great career for me and besides, I’m really not all that great at Astrophysics.

I feel sometimes I am doomed to be working at a dead-end job for the rest of my life, but that is not something I want at all. I want to be successful, but in my parents’/family’s minds that means going to college and getting a degree. I have an Associate’s but that doesn’t help me as much as I would have hoped. Massage school was and still kind of is something that I have been looking into, but I’m still not sure it’s that one thing I could do for the rest of my life. I want to interact with people and be social, but I don’t know how to get started with that. I’m a social person and I can’t be locked in a lab all day.

I guess what I’m saying is, I need to do some soul searching, buckle down and just get ‘er done.

Expressions of Love February 21, 2014

Posted by forgottenmoon in About the world around me, Ranting.
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One of the most famous questions in the history of humanity is “What is love?” I’m not going to try and define it today, yet I’m going to ask the world “Why not love?”

Over the course of my life, which certainly can’t compare to the centuries that have passed before me, I feel like I’ve learned quite a bit about love, but I’m sure I haven’t even scratched the shiny red surface yet and will likely never dive further in due to the large iceberg of detail that no one is able to understand. Needless to say, I’m no expert at much of anything but I can’t help but put my inquisitive mind to work and ask questions like any budding scientist and philosopher would do to anything.

Most people have an open mind about things such as the universe, religion, society and the world in general. These subjects can be so impersonal to all of us, so why is it so hard to not keep an open mind about love which is downright the most personal subject of them all? I’m talking about all aspects of love too, not just the conventional kind that one thinks about in movies on the silver screen.

I’ve seen the terror on people’s faces when confronted with the one they love when they have no idea how to express their feelings to that person. I’ve even felt this fear before, I’m not exempt. Why do we fear this? Do we fear rejection, being lead-on and let down? Do we fear that the person of our dreams is taken and we have no chance with them? Why should any of these things matter? I wish people could say how they feel about someone they care about without such fears. It feels so silly to me to fear such things. This is a country of free speech! Everyone has the right to express their love for another, even if nothing comes of it. I believe that even if someone I care about is “taken” in any way, shape or form, I feel like if I express how I feel to someone at least the idea is still out there and always has the potential to turn into something. How else is that person going to know how I feel if I don’t say it otherwise?

I really wish “jealousy” did not exist in the English or any other language and that there was no such thing. “Jealousy” has been the cause of so much strife in the world and not just on the subject of love. Why does it exist anyway? Because someone has something better than I want? So? If people didn’t have such a problem with talking with each other, jealousy wouldn’t exist. Selfishness plays a part in this too. If I, say, wanted someone’s badass laptop do you think my first thought process would be to steal it? Hell no! What would that solve? Nothing! I would frankly go up to that person and ask where he bought it, save enough money and buy one myself. But I get it, money and people are TOTALLY different things, and there are far more delicate ways of expressing desire for someone else’s mate.

Why do we lie to each other? What could possibly be so bad that we can’t just say it, especially in relationships? There doesn’t have to be such thing as “cheating” if people just talked it out. Admittedly, there are some relationships that should never happened in the first place. But if people would let go of their stubbornness and pride and just talk, the relationship would be better. Hell, the whole world would be better if people would just talk things out.

Some people are even afraid of expressing themselves fully due to other reason, be it society, religion or their work environment, I find this incredibly depressing. Why can’t people live their lives the way they want to and be who they are? I suppose most of this boils down to fear. One expect fear would be the opposite of love but there is so much of fear involved with love. Thankfully there isn’t much of the other way around!

My point, people, is that love is scary, but do we have to treat it like a wild animal? Why can’t we just let love be what it is?

I mean it this time! November 14, 2013

Posted by forgottenmoon in About my life, About the world around me, Inspired by Math, Inspired by Science.
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So, in a few previous posts I have said that Math Ed has gotten under my skin and I’ve honestly been burnt out on the subject as a whole. Though I still love Math, I feel like the sour taste it’s left in my mouth has made me reconsider my degree choice and where it will take me.

When I was thinking about career options in high school or even middle school, I thought about a bunch of things including becoming a Vet, a Massage Therapist, an Astronomer or a Teacher. My parents shot down every single one except the Teacher option. I said, “Daddy, I wanna be a Vet one day!” and he would respond with the retort “Well, when Purrl (our cat) throws up, that’s basically what would have to deal the rest of your life. You sure you want to do that?” When I got older, my thoughts also turned on the schooling that I would have to endure to become a vet. Med school to deal with sick animals on a daily basis? I don’t think so.

“Daddy, I want to become a Massage Therapist, think that would work?” “You want to touch sweat, hairy, old people all day?” There goes that choice…

“Daddy, I think being an Astronomer would be really awesome! And we both know it’s something I enjoy. What do you say?” “Unfortunately, there aren’t many jobs out there that you could get in that field. Even though I totally agree that you would enjoy it and would be good at it.” Well crap, what else is there?

“Kelsey,” says my father, “I think you would be a great teacher one day, why don’t you think about doing that?”

“Ok Dad, what do you suggest I teach?”

“You’ve always liked Math, why not that? I’ll pay for your schooling and everything.”

“Ok Dad, you got me. It’s almost guaranteed job security and I do enjoy working with and helping people in general. Alright that sounds good, I’ll do it.”

Three years go by, “Ok! I got to Calculus, let’s see how I do.” I fail Calc I. I have to repeat it and acquire a C.

“Now it’s on to Calc II. I hope it’s not as hard as everyone keeps telling me it is.” And of course, it’s intense. I fail it twice and now on a third attempt.

“What the HELL am I doing wrong!?” Every math class I take after that, including Discrete Math and Number Theory are incredibly difficult, and according to my friend Doug it only gets worse from there.

This can’t be right. I shouldn’t be struggling so hard with something I want to do for the rest of my life. That doesn’t sound or feel right at all!

But what is? After much soul searching and inner compromising, I finally came up with a conclusion.

ASTRONOMY! What my choice should have been this whole time! I honestly do NOT care if I have few options for jobs and I have to be very good at what I do to get one. I don’t care. I feel like I have a passion for something, I’m going to be good at it anyway. I know this is NOT always the case, but sucking at Math is not an option for a Math major. Math becomes incredibly philosophical and it really doesn’t seem like Math at all when someone gets up to the higher levels.

I get it. Majoring in Astronomy will require me to be good at Physics (which at the moment I feel like I suck at it) and that lots of Math is required for this subject as well. I know, I know, I have thought of this and I think if I have something to put the Math to, I can be more interested in it.

I’ll mostly likely have to leave Colorado and go to a different school in a different state. It’ll be expensive since I’ll be an out of state student and I’ll have to move there for no less than a year to become a resident. I’ll take on student loans, get a transfer from work (hopefully, and if not I’ll just look for a different job there) and get an apartment by myself if my boyfriend doesn’t want to come with me.

As for job availability? I’m not sure, and I don’t honestly care at the moment. I just want to have a Bachelor’s degree! I’m out of ideas and this seems to be the most palpable. That’s further into the future than I would really like, but for right now I have to focus on the more immediate and that’s getting into a good school.

First, I need to apply. I have totally given up on UCCS and the CU system in general. Apparently, CU Boulder has an Astronomy/Physics degree but the way UCCS has treated me I wouldn’t poke it with a 10 meter stick. Going out of state seems to be my only option. It won’t be easy but I’m going to do my best. If my father does not approve, I’ll take on some debt and he and I will both get over it. I feel terrible for wasting several thousand dollars on this failed attempt at a degree as well as the wasted years of my life trying to impress a system I could care less about. Going somewhere else, no matter how expensive it might be, will be good for me, and I’ll be doing something I enjoy.

I’ve posted this mainly to get this off my chest and get some feedback, though not much will change my mind at this point.

So there. Here it is, out in the open and there’s nothing I can do about it. I hope this will help me get on my way.

FM

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